I’ve always had difficulty with time. I don’t understand it. And grappling with the notion of the space-time continuum ties me up in mental knots. Sometimes, I feel as though my brain has pinched the sides of understanding, but a deep understanding of the notion eludes me.
But I don’t have to muse on the space-time continuum every day. I do, however, have to work with time every single day. There are things to be done every single day, there are places I need to be every single day. There are things I need to do with, and for, my kids every single day. Very often I feel overwhelmed by time and feel the lack of it. I am anxious because there isn’t enough. Being late stresses me more than anything else…..and yet, I often find myself running late.
Discussing it with a friend of mine – Richard – during the week, I traced my feelings of unease with time back to my teens. I hung around with a guy who called time ‘the enemy’.
‘How is the enemy?’ he asked once. I looked perplexed.
‘TIME is the enemy!’ he pronounced, and ever after, when he asked how the enemy was, I would look at my watch and tell him the time.
I understood. Time was that thing that works against us – conspiring to suck all the joy out of our days because there is never enough of it. It disappears too quickly, leaving us breathless in its wake. It rubs its hands in glee as we run to escape from it. Except there is no escape. Time wins every….well, time.
So for twenty years, I have understood that time is my enemy. It is evil and it wants me to fail. We are constantly pitted against each other and I can never win. Part of me, despite my every experience with it, expects Time to expand to accommodate me. And then I get upset and frustrated when it doesn’t.
This week, I had an enormous shift. (No, that’s not a confession that I kissed a fella!) I just turned my perception of time on it’s head. Talking with Richard, the words
‘Time is my best friend’ tumbled out of my mouth. A huge smile spread across my face as I realised the truth of what I’d just said. I felt as if a large, ickky, tar-like mass had moved inside me and exited my body.
‘Time is the thing that exists to allow me to get things done, it’s not something that conspires against me to prevent me getting things done,’ I continued, as the realisation flooded through me.
Changing my view of Time has completely changed my attitude towards, and relationship with, Time. It is no longer my enemy. It is my best friend. It is there to help me, to work with me and to make sure that I get done the things I want and need to get done in my life.
I treat a friend very differently to how I treat an enemy, as well. I now treat time with respect, I welcome it with joy and I understand that it wants what’s best for me.
I feel lighter, happier, and know that what I want to get done, I can do – because Time is on my side. Literally.
What is there in your life that changing your attitude towards would result in changing your life?