I walk into the room where the children are sleeping. They have their arms around each other. Their breathing is synchronised. They are soft and warm and innocent and beautiful. And they are mine.
I adore my children, I can’t bear to think of a life without them. It took me ten years, two husbands, bucket loads of pills, three surgical operations and rounds of infertility treatment to have my first (neither of my husbands would agree to adopt). I know how lucky I am to have her and her sister. I know the pain of empty arms and an empty heart and celebrate that that is no longer my lot in life.
Being a parent is the most humbling, most exhilarating, most rewarding, most joyous experience of my life. No ‘romantic’ encounter has ever come close. Perhaps because none of them was ever real and what I have with Ishthara and Kashmira could not be more real.
If bliss is when joy comes from your core and bubbles through you, touching every fibre of you, making every nerve tingle and then gushes out your pores, then my moments of true bliss are borne of my children.
They are the moments when we are just be-ing. They are the moments when their spirits are released – when they almost forget they are human and chase after a butterfly on a summer’s day, whooping and laughing. The moments when one of them will look at the other and say ‘I think you’re amazing’ and I know she’s saying so because she is overwhelmed by the truth of her statement.
They are the moments when I wake in the still darkness of early morning and feel the warmth of a little body cuddled in either side of me and know that all that matters in the my universe is in my arms.
Bliss comes to me in those moments when nothing else matters but the three of us and the bonds we share, the love we have for each other and the joy that we experience together.
My girls are truly wonderful creatures. They are spirited and joyful and charismatic and intelligent and creative and – more important than anything else – they are kind and thoughtful and loving. I am truly blessed to have them in my life.
I am hugely honoured, privileged and lucky to be a mother. Having my girls means that every day is Mother’s Day. I am a mother because of my children. Every day is a celebration of who they are and who I have become because of them.
(Photo: Ishthara & Kashmira on Shergar with me in the background. Credit: Maura Hickey http://www.maurahickey.ie)