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Great Expectations

‘And what does she do?’ I was once asked, by a middle-class Indian mother, as we waited to see our paediatrician at Jehangir Hospital in Pune.  I knew the type – competitive mothers keen to display how ‘advanced’ their children were because they could do all sorts of things yours could not. I refused to engage in the competition.

‘She breathes,’ I answered with a smile. ‘And that’s enough.’

Because, really and truly, it was. My daughter, then aged 6 months, had been born 10 weeks early, and had not been expected to survive. All I wanted was for her to breathe and to keep breathing.

Since then, I have been acutely aware of the expectations parents have for their children.  I have always maintained that I have no expectations for my children – and have been happy to tell myself exactly that. Until this week.

This week, thanks to Tara Sophia Mohr, I encountered the Girl Effect for the first time and I realised that I actually have a lot of expectations for my girls.

I expect them to stay in school until they are at least 18. I expect them to choose some form of tertiary education. I expect them to continue travelling and exploring new countries and cultures. I expect them to always have enough to eat. I expect them to always have enough weather-appropriate clothes. I expect them to always have a roof over their heads. I expect them to express their opinions and to be heard expressing those opinions. I expect them to choose when – and if, and whom – they marry.  In their relationships, I expect them to be treated as equals. I expect them to do their best to be fair to themselves, to each other and to everyone they meet. I expect them to decide whether or not they want children. I expect them to choose when and where and with whom they birth those children. I expect my daughters to choose careers that satisfy them on many levels; whether that’s working in a shop or finding a cure for AIDS.

I expect them not to have to even think about these decisions when they are 12. In global terms, that already marks my children out as ‘privileged’ and among the minority of 12 year old girl-children. Yes, that’s right – the minority.

In global terms, I expect a lot for my daughters. In global terms, more mothers should be in a position to have the same expectations. Together, let’s work to make that happen.

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6 thoughts on “Great Expectations

  1. Because I lost one daughter at birth, I still walk into my other daughters’ rooms late at night and put my hand on their backs while they are sleeping to be sure they are still breathing – anything else feels secondary.

    The fact that they excel is a blessing… and points to why the Girl Effect is so significant.

    I am grateful to have found you and the other women involved. Blogging amongst each one and working towards a positive change in the world: one of those things I live to do….

    • Lady Scribbles says:

      Thank you so much, Julie, for taking the time to read and comment on my blog. Your response brought tears to my eyes; to lose a child is the extreme disruption of the Natural Order and it makes you realise how little other things matter.

      Hazel

  2. Maya Hanley says:

    I don’t have my own children to bring up. It doesn’t, however, stop me from wanting the best and having the highest expectations for other people’s children. This is really important work we need to do. If we can improve the lot of more girls worldwide, evidence shows that the world would be a far better place. We all have to act on this. Thank you for writing this and for sharing the work of The Girl Effect.

    • Lady Scribbles says:

      Hi Maya,

      Thanks for taking the time and trouble to read and comment on my blog. As you say, whether or not one is a parent, one needs to realise the importance of raising children with awareness and integrity.

      The Girl Effect is one initiative to raise awareness – and I’m very happy to be part of it, in whatever small way I can be.

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